Mean Moms Raise Mean Daughters

Today I am talking about something different than anything I’ve really talked about on my blog before.

Mean moms. Dare I say bullies?

I see so many rude or judgmental comments on Instagram from one mom to another and quite frankly, some of the comments are so, so rude. I am shocked that people even do that.

I also hear other moms talking about each other and making rude comments about parenting, motherhood decisions, etc.

The other day I was going through my blog comments and responding when I came across one that really caught my attention and here is part of it:

It is so pathetic you are not even working …shame on you.. Try to work at the hospital 12 hour shift 4 days in a row caring for sick kids when your own kid at home”

I rarely get negative messages but once in a while one or two will trickle through from time to time. For some reason this one stuck with me.

They used the words “pathetic” and “shame.” These are big words and in my opinion, carry a lot of weight, especially in the context in which they were used.

To give you some context, this comment was in response to this post on “Working moms hacks to get more time with your kids.

I initially got really defensive and thought “this person must be ignorant because I do work, and for anyone that knows me, I work a-lot.” If I am not working for my actual part time job in Finance for a large corporation, I am working on my blog, and when I am not doing those things I am a mom – 24/7.

Just like all of you moms out there, that job never stops and it is the most important job of all.

But even if I did nothing else but be a “stay at home mom”, why would that make me pathetic or why is that something to be ashamed of?

Working 12 hour shifts or not working at all, being a mom is hard enough as it is.

We carry our entire families well being on our shoulders; making sure they are fed, bathed, laundry, clean house, groceries and home supplies, play dates, potty training, school events, homework, sports, doctor appointments, holidays, sleepless nights, disciplining, loving, and biggest of all – a mothers never ceasing worry that everything is done and everyone is happy.

Her own well being put on the back burner day after day because she loves her family too much to think of herself.

How is that pathetic? How is that shameful?

To all you moms out there, myself included. I wanted to take this as an opportunity to tell you something.

If you are a mom and you are reading this. No matter where you are in life, you are amazing.

To the mom working a 12 hour shift 4 days in a row while her child is home. You are amazing. You are taking care of sick children and then coming home to take care of an entire household.  You are where you need to be for the sick children and for your own children at home. Your roles are important. Be proud, not ashamed.

To the mom who was up all night with a newborn and then is home all day, alone, with a crying baby and a toddler who just destroyed the entire house. You haven’t had a moment to yourself in days let alone any contact with the outside world. It’s 3:00pm and you are in your pajamas still, exhausted and wondering how you are going to pull yourself together to get dinner on the table and make the place look somewhat presentable for when your husband gets home. You are amazing. You are exactly where you need to be. Home with your babies doing important work.

To the single mom working more often than seeing your babies. You are hustling. You are doing what needs to be done. Be proud that because of you, your kids will have the opportunity to see an amazing example of hard work, love and dedication.

To every mom in every situation. Be proud. Don’t be ashamed, we are not pathetic.

Different is not shameful and it is not pathetic….

Each family setting (working vs. not working) will look different. What works for my family may not work for yours and that doesn’t make it wrong.

Social media only shares a tiny percent of someones entire life and it’s usually a highlight real of the best times, not the worse.

You never know what someone else is going through. Why not be loving, kind and positive? Why not encourage and build each other up rather than tear each other down?

No matter what kind of day you had, we are in this together. We are moms and I can guarantee we all worry about the same things and share a lot of the same struggles.

We all get exhausted and tired.

We need each other to bounce ideas off of, find ways to make life easier, learn from each other and most importantly encourage each other.

You can hide behind an anonymous comment and think it isn’t a big deal or think “I’m going to give this girl a piece of my mind.”

But you could do more damage than you think. So if you do this, please stop. Especially if you are a mom.

This comment didn’t hurt me and it didn’t change how I am going to live my life. It just made me want to speak my mind on this topic of “mean moms” because I see it far too often and it’s pretty sad.

Let’s teach our daughters to love and be kind and the best way to do this is by example.

If there’s one thing I want my daughter to remember about me is that I was kind and loving to everyone. Not just people who are exactly like me.

Life isn’t high school where the mean girls think they rule. Let’s just grow up a little, shall we?

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  1. Sending love your way this am ! I have benefited from reading your blog and have enjoyed you talking about all the experiences of motherhood. I think people like you and other leaders that share their voice are going to get attacks but the cool part is your doing this anyway. God bless and lead you !

  2. So true. I used to be a working mom. Some Mean mom’s said I am letting others raise my kids and I’m missing very important moments with them. When I was pregnant with my 3rd I had bad experience with a caregiver so I decided it was time to become a stay at home mom. Now I have 4 kids. I love my time with them! Then I had a mean mom tell me I wasted my time and money going to College since I am a stay at home mom now, like her. There is a season for everything. Now I am home with my kids. Soon I will be back at work. No one knows what I went through to get here. I dont know what other moms go through. Being kind and supportive to others is important while raising our children. I am doing my best not to raise mean daughters.

  3. This was so true, I’m also part time blogger and full time mom, I remember when I told someone my son starts going to school she told me, then what do you do all day, I was like what do I don’t do. Loved this blog post it was amaIng mama.

  4. This was so beautifully said. And I agree 💯. If we as women and moms are not kind toward each other how can we expect our kids to be kind? I tell my kids all the time if we are not kind, we are not only painting Jesus in a bad light we’re nit doing the most basic human requirement. Thank you!!

  5. Yes! So good! The title to this entry is perfect. It’s seems like we live in a world where now a days, moms get judged for being stay at home moms or get shamed for being working moms. It seems like you just can’t win! I appreciate you addressing this and for a non-passive aggressive approach to defending yourself! I appreciate you and hope this sheds some light to your readers.

  6. Absolutely amazing post, something every mom needs to read, share and enourage!

  7. It takes much emotional intelligence & God-love to respond the way you did: with grace & understanding toward that ignorant comment. I take pity on women like that. Attitude like that is not a result from having inner peace & joy. You are amazing for spreading love & positivity when it’s really hard. Keep it up, D!

  8. I love this post!

  9. This is SOOOO TRUE! Well said

  10. So true so true! Very kind and encouraging words for all the mothers out there. And i like your attitude a lot. You are kind and show a lot of respect👏

    If you are a mother then YOU have the most important job in the whole world.

    In the same time i am a little bit frustrated about people out there who build their profiles by showing us their perfect body, perfect house, holiday, expensive clothes, perfect kids, perfect husband… And yes, there must be a lot of work behind that, i am sure!!!

    I wish that people out there are not afraid to show all sides of life, at least sometimes🤗

    Keep up with these kinds of words on your blog.
    Hugs from the other part of the world from mothers with the same problems🙋🏻‍♀️

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